Robert Manners

Crotch = Funny

Yesterday, when I got home from a long and soul-destroying day at the office, I was feeling tired and depressed... weary, really. I couldn't bear the thought of a whole evening with nothing but housework to do, nothing but television to watch. So I pulled right back out of the driveway and drove down to Silver Screen Video to buy a panacea on VHS or DVD. I bought four VHS tapes and two DVDs, and after dinner I retired to my room to revel in my purchases.



Since I'd bought four tapes, and it was four hours from bedtime, I figured I couldn't watch all of them, so I should divide my new purchases into two double-features, and watch one pair (the DVDs were out of the question, since the living room with the DVD player was filled with the Grandmother watching Dr. Phil).



My choices were: the critically-acclaimed and Oscar-winning drama The Hours, which paired naturally with the lush costume drama The Wings of the Dove based on the decadently grim Henry James novel of the same name; or else National Lampoon's Van Wilder which paired so well with the equally sophomoric American Wedding.



But like I said, I was already weary, so I wasn't about to overload my low-end-genius (see previous post) brain with a lot of intellectual stimulation. I therefore submerged myself in three hours of potty-humor and had a wonderful time. So many dick jokes! So many fake boobies! So much projectile vomiting! So many references to anal penetration! So much barely-repressed homoerotic rage! So much fecal matter, pubic hair, and dog-semen in inappropriate places! The unbearable cuteness of Ryan Reynolds and Seann William Scott! It was a balm to my soul.



So now you know my dirty little secret. I love sophomoric movies full of dopey high-school or college guys trying desperately to get laid and embarrassing themselves at every turn. Porky's I, II (The Next Day) and III (Porky's Revenge), Get Over It, Weird Science, Revenge of the Nerds, PCU, Spring Break, Dude Where's My Car, American Pie I & II, Road Trip (really, any movie with Seann William Scott in it), The Last American Virgin, Can't Hardly Wait, Scary Movie, An American Werewolf in Paris, Whatever It Takes, and so on and so forth.



These lewd and silly comedies speak to me in a way that more subtle humor cannot (and often have really good soundtracks, too). I laugh loud and long, and don't have to think about why I'm laughing or what I'm laughing at. These films also tend to have more than the usual share of really good-looking young men in them; and more often than not, one if not all of those really good-looking young men end up partially or fully nude at one point or another... anyone who knows me and this website knows that I am a bit of a crack-addict when it comes to the male anatomy.



So, any other fans of sophomoric humor out there? Have any suggestions of films I haven't seen yet? Particularly film with long-drawn-out locker-room shower scenes? Those are my faves!