Tuesday, October 30, 2007

De Moh-NAY!

Am I the only person who watched Mel Brooks' History of the World, Part 1? I put on my Halloween costume on Saturday, and decided that I looked enough like Harvey Korman that I went around all night announcing myself as "Count de Money"... and nobody got it. Was I being too obscure? Were people too dazzled by Caroline's costume to give my self-styling a second thought?

Anyway, here I am as Count de Money (de Moh-NAY), with Caroline as Naughty Marie Antoinette, at the Castro Theater:

And here we are at the Living Sober dance with Anthony the Hot Executioner:

Want to know something? I was embarrassed and uncomfortable all night long. I had a good time, anyway, but if it weren't for Caroline's enjoyment of the attention, I would have called it a night fairly early and gone home. The whole thing of being dressed funny and getting that much attention has made a ding in my psyche that is still reverberating today. My shyness has become completely pathological. I don't like it.

Well, I'll be sporting the Count again tomorrow at work, where no matter how embarrassed I feel, I can't leave. I can always change clothes, of course, but I don't think I'll bring a change with me... one thing about that costume is that it's incredibly comfortable. It's so unconstructed, nothing binds or pinches... which is more than I can say for my usual work-clothes.

Anyway, Happy Halloween my darlings!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

No, Please, No More Chocolate!

Fucking Halloween candy.

Here I am slaving away on the goddamned elliptical machine, suffering through a hundred salads, turning my back on cookies and pastries all over the place and generally starving half the day away, and the pounds continue to linger... rather than fleeing as they should under such torture.

But I'm getting used to counting out how many crackers are 100 calories, and eating apples instead of apple turnovers for snacks, and ordering the four-hundred-calorie turkey (no gravy) and a double order of string beans instead of the chicken pot pie (700 calories, not counting sides and bevo) at Boston Market, and spending my lunch-hour in the gym instead of at the Borders across the street. And the pounds are trickling away, ever so slowly but at least steadily.

So right in the middle of one of my better days, where I'm actually enjoying my spartan tea-time snack of a Clif bar and a few grapes at the Reception desk, here comes the office manager with a big ceramic jack-o-lantern filled with yummy yummy candy... which she then plunks down on the counter right in front of me. Granted, I have to reach around my computer monitor and come halfway out of the chair to get the candy, but that's not the point... the point is, it's there, and all the skinny bitches in the office come by and guilelessly nab a goodie every time they pass the Reception counter.

And that's not the only one. Every breakroom and every conference room and every copy area has a little orange bucket of candy in it. Everywhere I turn, there's Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and Hershey's Special Dark fun-sized bars (I mention those two because they're my favorites... there are other varieties, as well), smiling and taunting at me... I swear I can smell the chocolate, even though it's individually wrapped for freshness.

Every time I go past one of these little pots of delicious evilness, I struggle to keep myself from diving in head-first and eating the whole thing. A few times I've crumbled and grabbed one object out, and enjoying it so immensely that I have to literally slap my own hand to keep from reaching for another one. It's exhausting, this endless battle against the chocolate.

I tell you, I'm sick to death of dieting. I wanna eat chocolate! I wanna eat white bread! I wanna have an almond bear-claw and a whole-milk Chai latte! I want to eat ice-cream by the quart and wash it down with a whole bottle of Hershey's syrup!

But not until I lose forty more pounds. Or until this Biggest Loser contest is over... I am not throwing away my work so far along with the fifty bucks and however much I'll be fined for any weight-gain, just to indulge my baser food instincts.

I guess I wouldn't mind it so much if I was getting better results from my weight-loss regimen. I've plateaued, I guess, and the weight is coming off at a rate of about a pound and a half a week... rather less than I would like to report at my weekly weigh-in, let me tell you. And I still have this big ol' belly sitting on top of my pants. Oh, and the man-boobs, though smaller, are still there.

What I wouldn't give for a nice round of liposuction, just get rid of it all at once without all this blasted effort. But I can't afford it, so I'll have to stick to the old-fashioned route.

Besides, Halloween will soon be over; by this time next week the candy will be gone... or rather, this time two weeks from now (because you know everybody's going to bring in their leftover trick-or-treat candy the next day, and God knows how long that will last), so the temptation will abate. God preserve me until that day!

So, how's every little thing with you?

Monday, October 15, 2007

Just Dropping In to Say "Hi!"

Things haven't changed since my last post, and I don't have any cosmic insights to share today, so I just thought I'd pop in and post some beefcake just to let you all know I'm still alive.

I'm also working on the novel at a pretty good speed, check out Chapter 10 Part 1, and then check out Part 2 (which I just now finished).


Monday, October 1, 2007


Today I'm starting my new "permanent" position at work... I use quotation marks because, though it's a permanent rather than temporary or interim position, I'm hoping not to be in it for too terribly long. There's nothing wrong with the position itself, of course, only that it doesn't really utilize my skills and it represents a 20% pay cut. I can afford the pay cut, I just have to give up shopping pretty much altogether, but I'd rather have more money than less, strange as that may seem.

So when I go in today, I will spend two hours in the Credentialing department; as far as I know, the bulk of that half of my job will be scanning documents into the database. Wheeee! Fortunately, I'll be able to wear my headphones and so shall be bopping along to the soundtrack from Marie Antoinette, which I downloaded from iTunes the other day.

Then I will be working in the HR department for two hours, first to relieve the receptionist for her break, then to relieve the receptionist for lunch, and finding some kind of yet-to-be-specified work to do in the HR department in between. Then it's lunch, and then back to the Credentialing department for two more hours of scanning, then back to HR for two hours of reception relief and mail-sorting.

It's a nicely structured day, I think, not spending too terribly long at any one task. But it's a return to the business of eight elevator trips a day, which I'd just as soon live without. Either way, though, I'm glad to have a permanent position settled, I've been having horrible anxiety dreams about work ever since my last permanent position evaporated. The pay cut is a small price to pay for no more work-related anxiety dreams.

My meds are balancing out again, too... the akathasia is starting to die down a little bit; though I still find it more pleasant to get up and do something than to sit still, I can sit still if I want to. The constipation I'm getting used to, I just have to take Dulcolax every night, which brings my nighttime pill count up to five (or seven if my allergies are plaguing me).

The best part is that I am not only feeling less demophobic than I did on my old meds (I actually think about going places, now), but my creativity is coming back. I've done a huge amount of work on the novel since starting this new pill, not only finishing Part 1 of Chapter 9 but also Part 3 and revisions on the completed chapter and getting started on Chapter 10! It's incredibly satisfying having so much momentum.

Even my diet is going well! I'm retraining myself to not eat so bloody much or so bloody fast, and I've been going to the gym here at work and the other gym (the one I actually pay for, thirty bucks a month whether I go or not) fairly regularly; and I've lost seven pounds of total weight and about an inch off my waist already! I'm really jazzed about it, and am looking forward to keeping this up until I'm back to 200 pounds and a thirty-four waist! That'll be a real accomplishment.

The only downside of life right now is my money issues. I've been spending the most grievous sums on my Halloween costume, the total is up to $700 as of last night when the bidding got out of hand and I ended up spending almost a hundred dollars on a pair of Italian riding boots that will complete my costume better than the costumey boots I already bought (which were almost seventy dollars themselves). And though my costume is going to be fantastic, I can't help but think of a lot of more important things I could have spent all that money on... like paying back Grandmother some of what I owe her, or paying off a larger chunk of my credit-cards, or getting the mirror on my car fixed, or even buying myself a fully assembled dollhouse. There's a lot you can do with seven hundred dollars.

I think I'm going to have to be stern with myself and stay the hell off of eBay from now on. Especially with this pay cut to consider. Maybe I should spend that time on the novel instead. But unfortunately, eBay is always there and Inspiration isn't so much. Dommage.

Well, here's to a lovely day for you and for me. Cheers!