I Just Can't Think

I Just Can't Think

I simply can't make up my mind about anything, I cannot concentrate, and there are all these ideas and priorities swirling around in my head making the most dreadful racket: I don't want to do drag today... but you said you'd do drag today... and you already bought a brand-new dress just for today... and what about Pink Saturday? you want to go to that... but I felt better yesterday when I made those plans and today I feel yucky... and then what about Pride tomorrow, will you feel like going to that, you sorry excuse for a queen? You make me sick... I want to have clean laundry, but I don't want to actually do the work required to get the laundry clean... I want to work on my novel but I can't focus on the scene I need to create or the information I need to make up... Oh, just shut up already, all of you! Fuck!



The weird thing is that I can't figure out if I'm sick or not, if it's just the heat and allergies making me feel this way or if I have a low-grade flu. Allergies don't usually make me feel queasy, but the heat sometimes does; and the heat doesn't make my muscles ache, but then with allergies I have a bit of high-impact coughing and sneezing, and sometimes I get all clenched up if I can't breathe properly in my sleep, and that will make me sore. So the heat and allergies can create flu-like symptoms... but then, the flu creates flu-like symptoms, too.



On Thursday I got so woozy that I had to leave work early, and the symptoms I described exactly matched the symptoms my coworker had when she came down with a flu last week... which made her completley miserable for a whole week; but although I have been having slight waves of nausea and a sort of swimmy feeling that isn't quite dizziness but is a sort of third-cousin to dizziness, I haven't felt as bad as that since I went to sleep Thursday evening. I chalked up that woozy afternoon to the Robitussin Allergy that I swallowed, which has been sitting in my glove-compartment since last year and may have gone bad; but I felt crappy before I took the syrup, or else I wouldn't have taken it in the first place, now would I?



I think I'd better skip the drag today (oh, fuck, I just sneezed three times at once, so hard that I not only strained all of my already-sore muscles, but I blew snot all over my monitor. GROSS), but I'll go to the drag-show nevertheless (I'm driving people, so I'd better); make up my mind about the Pink Saturday dance after the drag show is over, seeing how I feel then; and tomorrow I will go to Pride after church and at least catch some of the concert and see and be seen.



As to the laundry and the novel... well, it will just have to wait, won't it. I feel better now. Thanks for listening!



But I just remembered why it isn't considered nice to discuss illnesses in polite company: it's fucking boring. Just shut up you whiney little bitch! No you shut up! You just shut up! Perhaps I'd better go back to bed now.