The NaNoWriMo novel isn't going so well... I'm more than ten thousand words behind schedule, and the month is half over. I don't see how I can possibly catch up. I'm not going to admit defeat yet, but I don't believe I'm going to make the deadline.
I guess I underestimated how difficult it would be for me to plow ahead without thinking about what I've already written. I can't give up the fine-tuning of character development...I can't just say "Danny Vandervere is thus-and-so," I have to show how he got to be that way. And since this story is a prequel, the need to establish his identity becomes even more imperative... I have to make what the teenage Danny becomes conform to what the adult Danny already is (although I have, after a great deal of arguing with myself about it, changed his hair and eye color; brown hair and brown eyes can be shown to be beautiful in a photograph, but it doesn't come across in print as well as black hair and blue eyes).
But even more frustrating is simply finding the time in which to write. I can doodle at it, mostly in editing mode, during odd snatches of the day; but to really sit and write, I need hours of uninterrupted time with no chores, no errands, no sleepiness, nobody talking to me, and no TV. And such blocks of time are few and far between... I mean, between work and Grandmother and Caroline and my must-see-TV, I don't have a hell of a lot of just plain idle time.
And while I suppose I could give up my TV shows, I can't stop working, and that's a much larger block of time; Caroline could probably find something else to do with herself for the month, but Grandmother needs me to do certain things for her...basically, the time I save giving up the things I can give up won't amount to enough time to be worth the sacrifice.
But despite my shortcomings and disappointments, I am enjoying the hell out of this project. The development is incredibly satisfying, and the research and thinking-out of plot devices and the pondering choices in scenarios has been immensely fun... I feel more alive than I have in a while.
If you'd like to take a look at what I've got so far, I'm writing it in Google Docs, which has a nifty webpage publishing feature for sharing documents: The Math Teacher's Dead.