Robert Manners

What a Difference the Gas Made!

So yesterday was my much-dreaded dental appointment... and it was really quite pleasant. I rather enjoyed the nitrous oxide. And with a few sniffs of that, the novocaine injections didn't hurt at all! I hadn't had nitrous in years and years, not since I was a kid, and I had no idea what a huge difference it made in the pain and terror quotients. I felt quite amusingly giddy, all in all, even with the drilling/grinding sounds and the burning-tooth smells and the so on and so forth.



Of course, he was working on a tooth that was already root-canaled, so of course it wouldn't have hurt as much as a live-nerve tooth. But I am definitely using gas from here on out. And I'm sticking to this dentist. Not only is he my Grandmother's dentist (and therefore knows I am billable and so I don't have to pay up front), he is also amazingly gentle and considerate... and he has teeeeeeny tiny hands, too! (not an attribute we look for in boyfriends, but in a dentist it's as good as gold) And, as his business-cards say, "We Cater to Cowards." This is worth the extra outlay of cash, you know? Because when it come to pain and teeth, I am an utter pussy.



Shiloh was sweet enough to give me a ride to the dentist in the morning and to pick me up when I was done. Though nitrous isn't supposed to render you loopy after they turn off the flow, nitrous on top of a lack of sleep and an endorphin rush from no pain, I didn't think I was capable of driving. And, despite what They said, I felt the after-effects of the laughing gas for the rest of the day.



And it's a good thing, too... after picking me up at the dentist and taking me to the pharmacy for my Vicodin prescription (just in case I was in pain after the novocaine wore off... is he a gem or what?), Shiloh and I met up with his beau-friend Zach, and Zach's wife Elsa (just don't ask, though it's taken every ounce of social restraint on my part to not ask), and went out to San Francisco for Christmas shopping on Union Square.



See, under normal circumstances, crowds make me extremely uncomfortable, so I would normally not enjoy Union Square on a Saturday during the Holiday Season. But after my nitrous (I didn't even take the Vicodin), the crowds didn't bother me in the least. They were, instead, a lot of fun! I had a hell of a blast wandering through the thronged aisles of Neiman Marcus — I couldn't decide which I liked better, the blond hottie behind the Michael Dawkins jewelry counter, or the Michael Dawkins jewels; I went absolutely gaga for the Hungarian china displays, couldn't stop fondling the Jay Strongwater objets d'art, and decided that I couldn't live very much longer without the climate controlled chocolate safe in the Gourmet department; I had a good laugh over the $20,000 platinum cell-phone, fantasized about looking good in a pair of red Ermenegildo Zegna jeans, and wondered why on earth anybody would pay hundreds for a boring old Turnbull & Asser shirt, when only your laundress will ever see the label (nobody gets laid wearing Turnbull & Asser... nobody). I didn't even mind getting stuck in the rotunda entrance when everybody in front of me had to stop dead in their tracks to look up at the traditional oversized Christmas tree that I've seen so many times I don't find it impressive anymore.



After that, we went to Macy's Men's, which was slightly less fun... though there were plenty of hot men to look at, some of whom were armed with spritzers of colognes to which I am allergic (I don't know what they put in Acqua di Giò, but it makes my sinuses scream), though mostly young shoppers with their girlfriends or boyfriends or mommies or daddies... not to mention the absolutely pornographic new Calvin Klein underwear boxes. I almost bought a $16 thong on the strength of that Aussie's ass. But the merchandise just wasn't very special, I didn't see anything that I had to have. Then we went across the street to the main Macy's, which was even more crowded (so much so, inside and out, that I didn't get to see the famous windows), and I did actually end up buying three pairs of very nice Bijoux Givenchy earrings.



Next came Tiffany & Co, and I almost lost it in front of the Schlumberger Collection... and then there were diamonds, and more diamonds, and yet more diamonds! Such beautiful things that I had to remind myself to breathe. I ordinarily wouldn't go into Tiffany, as I am usually so intimidated by the doorman and the sales people, but with the Christmas crowds I was just one of a hundred or so lookiloos wandering around unable to afford the meanest little silver tchotchke in the place. After that we went to Sak's, where I got a woodie while gasping over the unspeakably amazing Estate Jewels, the gloriously glamorous costume jewels (especially Swarovski), and the unbearably fabulous Judith Lieber minaudier counter. Again, the crowds were my protection, no security guards or bored saleswomen hovering over me as I drooled and dribbled over the shockingly expensive merchandise.



Well, anyway, it eventually came time to head home... no giddiness will last forever, and I could feel a crash coming on. Everyone was getting a little testy and tired from all the stimulation and frustration (so many beautiful things we can't afford, so many beautiful men getting in the way), so we headed back home. I played with my Sims, surfed the net, and went to bed and got a really good night's sleep. And then today, I watched television for a while, moved some furniture with Caroline's help (she'd come over with breakfast, and my uncle is bringing the Christmas tree tomorrow, so I couldn't let the opportunity for assistance pass), played some more with my Sims, had soup for dinner, and came here to tell you all about it. And now I am going to go to bed. I have to get up early and bring the Christmas wrappings and decorations out of the attic before I head off to work, where I will be printing and distributing a couple of thousand or so flyers. Huzzah!



And so I leave you with this last little something... good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bedbugs bite!

A shopping we will go...