Robert Manners

Just a Little Boring...

I just now started wondering what etymological roots are shared by the verb bore, to cause yawning and ennui, and the other verb bore, to drill a hole. The pendulum seems to have swung a little too far the other way, when I start dismantling the words that describe how I feel... and am still bored by the question.



I'm not really bored, though. I'm just decompressing still after being so totally overwhelmed, somewhat fearful of taking on too much, perhaps giving myself a little too much license in the matter of rest, and faintly disturbed by the unfamiliar feeling of not only not doing anything but also not thinking about that which I am not doing. There's this feeling of emptiness that I welcome but which is nevertheless strange.



This weekend I did my best to take it easy. I got a lot of sleep, especially on Saturday (went to sleep shortly after midnight and slept soundly until 11 a.m.), did a good deal of laundry but didn't push myself at it, and quietly plotted the systems that are going to make my room work (such as trading my dressing table, which I love but which is fairly useless now that I don't spend time on my hair, for the matching chest-of-drawers that I took out of my room two years ago, thereby increasing my storage space and decreasing my clutter-space).



I spent a lot of quality time alone, not doing anything in particular, just reading and watching movies and building ever-more-spectacular mansions for my Sims. But I also spent quality time with friends doing things that didn't require a great deal of effort on my part. At Dalton's party I got to talk to a lot of people, but I didn't have to dress up and entertain them. It was most relaxing. It was also insightful... two different people said things to me which struck profound resonances; in fact, I started writing about one of them yesterday but got sidetracked.



On my return to work yesterday, the boss was most accomodating about my desire to not take on too much this week (I guess I sounded a little more frazzled when I called in sick on Friday than I thought... he treated me with kid gloves, or more appropriately like a bomb that might or might not go off at any minute), and my only project for the day was a print-and-distribute of three flyers. I usually find that task rather tedious, but this time I enjoyed it for the time alone it afforded me.



Soon, though, I am going to have to take up the reins of life again. I can't exist in this princess-and-the-pea feather-pillowed stasis for very long. As much as I enjoy time alone, and as much as I enjoy resting, I am a social creature with social commitments. Work is going to gear up, too, as we near the end of the semester. And then there are all of one's family responsibilities that become rather more labor-intensive around the holidays.



What I am going to try to do is stay on top of the wave of activity and responsibility instead of getting plowed under by it. And I think I can do it if I take one thing at a time and not think about the things I'm not doing at the moment. It's more of a challenge to practice serenity when one is busy than when one is coccooned in one's room designing Anglo-Dutch Victorian country houses in a Maxis-created virtual neighborhood, but it can be done.