Sorry for the long silence, my darlings, but I am exhausted. This business of tying up loose ends at the office is too utterly draining... though I haven't spent any more time at the office (or working on office-work at home) than I usually do, there's a weight and gravity to each of my tasks that is strangely tiring. So tiring, in fact, that when I get home, all I can do is curl up on the couch and watch television.
Though things are light enough that I don't have a lot of daily work to do, the main task that has taken up most of my time this last week is trying to encapsulate six years of experience in a detailed, organized, and comprehensive written description of each of my many tasks, most of which are things that only I know how to do, so I have to be very careful to get everything in.
I'm only about halfway through, and already running to seventeen pages, but I'm pretty sure I'll be able to finish it over the weekend. The hardest part isn't the writing, but rather the organizing of ideas: how to describe an activity to which I am so accustomed that I no longer really think about it? How much information is enough? How much information is too much? How much of what I do shall my successor actually have to do, and how much of it has been just a waste of time all along? The whole project is very consuming.
But it's not just this project that is keeping me drained... I'm not just tired after work. Waking up in the mornings has been a dreadful trial all week, as well. I've been sleeping alright, I think, getting my eight hours in... but it takes me a good three or four hours to get from entirely-asleep to properly-and-fully-awake. I'm not sure what the problem is, if I'm not eating right (which I'm not) or if I'm not sleeping well (just because I'm asleep for eight hours doesn't mean I'm getting eight hours of REM) or if I'm not still depressed (which is entirely possible).
Well, anyway, I have to go and get through another day at the office now... not a full day, though: I have to leave early for a dentist's appointment. But during my abbreviated day, I have to do a lot of banking and bookkeeping and filing, and these are not things I particularly enjoy doing. And then dentist's appointments are not particularly pleasurable either. But after that, I can lay down and be quiet for a while, then Caroline and I are going out for dinner and a movie. Tomorrow I have the Living Sober drag show, for which I am entirely unprepared, and Sunday is church, and in between all of these I want to work on my job-description.
What an exhausting prospect... I'm going to stop thinking about all of these things that I have to do, and just concentrate on what I'm going to do next. I think I'm going to have to scale back from one-day-at-a-time and take the next few days one hour at a time. And remember to eat nutritiously rather than conveniently. And not push myself too hard.
Well, anyway, here's to a nice day.
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