Saturday, May 7, 2005

Feelin' Kinda Grody

I'm not enjoying my unemployment as much as I'd hoped to. First I had that nasty cold, then my allergies started acting up, overlapping the end of my cold; now I have a sore of some kind in my mouth that makes it painful to chew food... I don't know if it's a cold sore, or an irritation from a seed or something, but it hurts and makes eating unenjoyable. Furthermore, I am not sleeping as well as I'd like, I have a hard time getting to sleep some nights and then I wake up ridiculously early, or sometimes even in the middle of the night, and can't get back to sleep; then if I do sleep eight hours or more at a time like I'm supposed to, I wake up with a sinus headache. And then on top of all that, I seem to be spending more time at the office than I did when I worked there... an exaggeration, of course, but I've been there three or four times a week for the last two weeks.

It's wearying, I tells ye. I had planned my unemployment as a period of restful hiatus, but I simply feel run off my feet.

I have managed to find time to do some of the enjoyable things I'd planned for my hiatus, though... I've been able to spend some time with friends, and I've done a bit of reading, and I even got some work done the other day on Worst Luck (Chapter Two Complete is up and ready for your perusal; I didn't change very much from the rough drafts, I added a few phrases and cleaned up some repeated words, but the story hasn't changed).

But I feel yucky, and that takes a good deal of the enjoyment out of everything. And by "yucky" I think I mean that I feel uncomfortable inside my body. I keep having this weird urge to just wriggle out of my flesh, to peel the whole thing off like an ill-fitting rubber suit. I don't know what that's all about, whether it's about the discomfort of my body after the cold and during the allergies and with this sore in my mouth, or if it's some psychological discomfort that stems from a general dissatisfaction about myself paired with an insecure feeling about my employment situation coming in on top of a depressive swing... or maybe it's all of the above, a sort of peu du tout selection of unhappiness.

Whatever it is, I can't figure out a way around it. I am going to take some Advil (which I've been eating like candy all week), and maybe a hot bath to unclog my stuffy head and unwind my tense shoulders (they've been clenched up ever since I caught that cold), and maybe a facial or something to make myself feel pretty. Perhaps I can get some OraJel at the store later to deal with this pain in my mouth, and perhaps I can get some more writing done on "Chapter Three Complete." I was going to go to a party later tonight, but I think I'll skip that, since I don't feel too well and need to reserve my strength for the big family Mother's Day gathering tomorrow (for which I have to do some grocery shopping and dessert-making).

Well, darlings, I hope you're having a better life than I am, and Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there... and to all the non-moms, too. Kisses!

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