Monday, March 8, 2004

Maxin’ and Relaxin’

There's nothing like a long soak in a hot tub in a lovely suite at a luxury resort on a mountain lake to put everything in its proper perspective. Caroline and I had an excellent time at The Pines Resort at Bass Lake, where we did very little except sit, sup, and soak: sitting in the car listening to music and on our balcony watching the sunset and on our little sofa reading the complimentary magazines and on the bed watching music videos; supping at the In-and-Out in Turlock and Ducey's on the Lake (where we had tournedos of beef and crown rack of lamb with a sweet-potato french fry appetizer) and in our suite with the enormous Continental breakfast and at the Gold Rush Grill & Saloon in Mariposa; and taking turns soaking in our lavishly appointed en suite whirlpool spa tub (I would include the picture of Caroline soaking, but it's both R-rated and not very flattering).

It was extremely relaxing. We did a bit of shopping, too, stopping in Turlock's Historic Old Town (which was neither very old nor particularly historic but was incontrovertibly a town) on the way up and Mariposa (which is old and historic but doesn't have great big billboards on I-99 saying so) on the way down, as well as at the few little shops in Bass Lake Village; but we didn't actually buy much of anything, I spent about thirty dollars on a new hat and a crystal "diamond" paperweight and a good-luck Ram (from last Chinese lunar year... this year is a Monkey year) and a jet bracelet and a jeweler's loupe, and Caroline got some pyritized fossils and a stone jar and an Italian silver paper-knife and a couple of other things... still, it was pleasant and entertaining to just browse around.

And here we are back at the old grind, refreshed and invogorated.

You know what I want? I want a boyfriend. And something crispy to eat. Fortunately, I brought a lovely Cameo apple from home today... BRB.

I had an interesting dream last night: I was a young and very pretty and rather innocent boy (I was, in fact, Kyle, the cutie-patootie from the sandwich shop where I buy my daily luncheon) who applied for a job with an import-export firm; apparently they were importing and exporting illegal weapons and drugs, but I didn't find that out until after I started working for them, and my choice was to go ahead and do the job or be bumped off; so I was working as the go-between for a drug/gun runner, and got arrested by the DEA or someone and was sent to prison for twenty or so years because I couldn't turn State's evidence (because I didn't know anything). So there I was, this young and very pretty boy in a prison full of... well, you know the stories.

And that is of course when my alarm clock went off. I hit the snooze button and rejoined the dream after a bit, by which time the story had progressed somewhat: I was being "protected" by this enormous hairy creature, I suppose he was a man but was more of a Sasquatch really. There was no sex involved in the dream, which was a bit of a disappointment... until later in the dream when we're in the showers and a hundred or so inmates decide they're going to gang-rape me. I was too concerned with the safety of my protector to allow him to defend me against so many, and my alarm went off again just as I was about to throw myself to the wolves... you'd think it might be kind of hot, all these guys in the shower and little ol' me (or more specifically, lovely young Kyle) as the centerpiece, but like I said, the dream was totally non-sexual; nor was it very violent, I wasn't exactly afraid of being gang-raped by a hundred or so people... I just felt very sorry for the Sasquatch guy and kind of sorry for myself for being so pretty. Prison showers are among those few situations where physical beauty is a liability rather than an asset. The whole tone of the dream was of sadness and sacrifice.

So, back to the boyfriend thing. As I think about it, I'm not sure why I suddenly want such a person, or whether or not I ought to want one, or even if I have the time or energy to give to one. I just want one. I would really enjoy a bit of romance in my life, and of course seven and a half years really is long enough to be celibate. I feel as though I have worked through some of the self-esteem and relationship issues that led me to enforce celibacy on myself. I may have some work left to do on the body-image and sexual-hangup issues, but sometimes you have to jump into a situation and do the work with someone else there with you.

Well, anyway, I don't think I'm going to just run down to the corner store and get myself a boyfriend, so there's not really much point to suddenly wanting one. I guess I just wanted to put the idea out to the Universe and see what It says.

In the meantime, I have plenty else to do, what with friends, family, program, and work. Speaking of work, perhaps I ought to get some done today... more minutes to write and some phone calls to make. Have a super day!

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