Monday, August 1, 2005

Meme Without a Name

I find myself starved for content again; and as often happens, God (in the form of Dana Marie, Queen of the Universe) has provided me with an assisting meme; the title of the meme seems to change with each incarnation, and I was unable to come up with one of my own, so I'll just have to jump right in without prologue. Normally I would also link the provenance of the meme, but I think I won't this time. I have my reasons, but they aren't very good reasons, so go ahead and hunt them down yourself.


Ten years ago: Let's see, I'd just achieved sixty days of sobriety, I'd just gotten back from the same Texas trip I just now got back from, and I was probably intent on cleaning something (I did a lot of cleaning in early sobriety). I was also preparing for transfer to San Francisco State University, mailing off transcripts and pushing endless papers involved with financial aid. I was twenty-seven and still smoking, so I weighed thirty-five pounds less, I had a little more hair, and a little more of it was brown; I knew nothing about the internet, and spent all of my computer time writing a truly dreadful novel that I have since abandoned and playing solitaire. I still believed that falling in love would solve my problems, and that I could somehow make the man of my choice love me.

Five years ago: Hell if I know... I had to consult correspondence from the year to figure out what I was up to, but none of it contained anything about my personal life. I guess I didn't have one, because that was the year I decided to rewrite Stag Island, the first novel I'd ever tried to write. I had come across the original manuscript in a drawer, which I'd written one bored winter in 1991/92, and though I cringed at the bad grammar and worse dialog (this was before I went back to college), I considered the premise rather clever and usable. But I had already evolved the characters I'd created the first time while I was in college, and they no longer fit the premise correctly... it was intended as something of a dark comedy. So I came up with the conceit that this new incarnation would be the novel written by the main character of the first novel, a sort of roman a clef, replacing himself as narrator with someone quite different from himself... and went to work on it from there. It is here that I created Danny Vandervere and the various characters I am now using in Worst Luck, which is a sort of prequel to Stag Island (which I will someday actually write).

One year ago: Fortunately I have my blog to tell me what I was doing this time last year... I was helping take care of my little cousins, and taking a week off from work, and that seems to be about it. But here, you can read it yourself.

Yesterday: I started writing this but didn't finish because I started in on the Just Us Boys message boards; then my dad wanted to use the internet, and then my niece wanted to use the internet, so I watched TV instead. Among other mindless drivel, I caught two or three episodes of Kill Reality, which is rather amusing. But would it be amusing without Reichen Lehmkuhl, who is possibly the most beautiful gay man on television? He's soooooo fucking gorgeous! Those eyes! That skin! Those great succulent pecs! I'm in loooooooove!

Five snacks I enjoy:
1) Peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
2) Dreyer's Whole Fruit frozen pops.
3) Grapes.
4) Bowl of cereal (esp. Frosted Mini Wheats).
5) Pudding.

Five songs I know all the words to: I know all the words to hundreds and hundreds of songs. I swear, I can memorize anything if you set it to a catchy tune. But most of them I have to have the music before I remember all the words, so here are five songs I sing to myself frequently a capella;
1) "Once Upon A Dream" (also known as "Sleeping Beauty's Waltz," from the Disney animated feature Sleeping Beauty... it cleans out songs that get stuck in your head)
2) "Stardust"
3) "The Man I Love"
4) "Good Morning, Heartache"
5) Pretty much any and all traditional secular Christmas songs.

Five things I would do with $100 million:
1) One big-ass fabulous house here in Piedmont, with furnishings, art, and good-looking servants.
2) A fleet of fabulous vintage cars, including but not limited to a few Rolls Royces, at least one Jaguar, a 1935 Deusenberg Model J Victoria, and a 1961 Caddilac convertible in ivory white.
3) Trust funds for all of my relatives that pay them enough to live on but not so much that they become spoilt.
4) An unending shopping spree, flying from Fashion Week to Fashion Week across the globe, amassing more stuff than I can even store, much less wear.
5) Fund a secret gay task-force of spies and super-ninjas to harrass, humiliate, and bedevil homophobic politicians, ministers, and publicity-hounds. We won't assassinate anyone, really, just make their lives a living hell until they all shut the fuck up.

Five places I would escape to:
1) Hawaii.
2) The bedroom of my fabulous mansion (see above).
3) Italy (it's a small country, but plenty of places to hide).
4) Victoria, British Columbia.
5) England (even smaller country, but I won't have to learn a new language).

Five bad habits:
1) Procrastinating.
2) Assuming the worst outcome before I even try.
3) Eating sweets all day every day.
4) Burping really loud.
5) Procrastinating (it's such a bad habit, it's worth repeating).

Five things I like doing:
1) Shopping
2) Writing
3) Eating
4) Reading
5) Masturbating

Five things I'd never wear: Never? Never is an awfully long time. I mean, there are things I wouldn't be caught dead in right now, but if I started exercising and got a full-body wax I might. So, I'll just have to be general here;
1) Anything itchy.
2) Anything avoidably unflattering (like a half-shirt with a thong on my current physique).
3) Anything lime-green or hot-pink (the only two colors I've found that look bad on me).
4) Anything that would make me look like a Mormon or a Republican.
5) A really big Western belt-buckle.

Five TV shows I like: .
1) CSI (the Las Vegas one, not the spinoffs)
2) Law & Order (again, I prefer the original, and also like SVU, but the rest of the spinoffs leave me cold).
3) Mystery! (not all of them, but recently the Inspector Lynley Mysteries and the new Jane Marple mysteries are fabulous)
4) Smallville (Tom Welling! And gorgeous-boy guest-stars... like when Ian Somerhalder was on the show for several episodes, and there were Tom and Ian in a frame together, I thought I would simply plotz!)
5) Phil of the Future (I don't want to talk about it... except that Ricky Ullman is really eighteen, not the fifteen he looks and plays, so the terrible things I want to do to him are perfectly legal).

Five biggest joys of the moment: .
1) Finishing a chunk of novel (which I haven't done in weeks)
2) Making Grandmother laugh.
3) Orgasms.
4) I don't know?
5) I can't think of any more.

Five favorite toys:
1) My desktop computer.
2) My old job's laptop computer, which I still have but will give back when they need it or when I get a new job.
3) My N-64 (it's an antique, practically)
4) My Palm Pilot.
5) My new dildo (Okay, I'm getting into TMI here, but I really like just playing with the thing, rather than inserting it anywhere [which I really can't do, it's too thick]; it feels real, except that it vibrates, and I simply love holding it).


Okay, so now you know even more about me than you did before. Probably more than you really wanted to know. But that's the risk you take with reading these blogs. And hopefully I will be able to pry myself off the message-boards for long enough to write something here of weight and import. And get back to work on my novel.

Oh, speaking of work, I have a job interview tomorrow! It's a full-time job in San Francisco, so I won't have nearly as much free time if I get it, but it pays quite well. So wish me luck!

Now I have to go get my front tires replaced and my front axle realigned (my bald tire finally gave up the ghost while we were in Texas, so Miss Jane sat on her axle for several days, and I've been driving around on a doughnut since I got back). Wish me luck on that, too!

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