Friday, September 12, 2008

A Month of Mondays...


I just can't shake this damned cold... three weeks now, it's been plaguing me. I thought I was over it on Monday, I felt so much better after taking last Friday off and spending pretty much the entire weekend in bed; but every day this week I've come home just a little more tired, a little more sore, a little more achey, a little more stuffy than the day before. I'm beginning to wonder if there isn't something else wrong, like walking pneumonia or consumption or spavins or vapors or something. If only I had health insurance, I'd go find out... but that doesn't kick in 'til next month.

My depression continues to walk all over me with golf cleats. Largely because of the illness, I'm not sleeping well... and when I don't sleep well, I get depressed very easily. And when I'm depressed I just want to kill myself, I think everyone hates me, and I not only withdraw from society but become rather insensitive to other people's feelings (which in turn pisses people off, making me even more depressed). If it weren't for the Prozac, I'd be such a mess right now.

I can't get caught up on my filing at work. Just when I think I'm almost there, I get distracted by some minor catastrophe, and when I turn back there's another pile of filing! Argh! I keep telling my supervisor that I'll have it done by "this Friday," and then Friday comes and I'm nowhere near done. Of course, I'm near done now, but only because I've been focusing on this project to the detriment of all my other work... if and when I finally finish the damnable filing, I'll have a backlog of data entry waiting for me. Oy.

My hair is a mess and I can't afford to get it cut because I keep spending my money on eBay before I even get it. I got some fabulous stuff, I'm all ready for both Halloween and the next three Coronations, but my hair just has to wait and suffer. As does my oil-change, money I owe the Grandmother, lunches out, and everything else I might want to buy between now and the next paycheck on the 23rd.

Of course I'm still fat, because I'm too tired and sick to exercise. I am taking an antioxidant supplement (green tea concentrate), which is helping the puffiness in my face and hands, but my belly continues to disgust me daily. I wish I could embrace the fat, love the fat, encourage a fat-man identity... but I just can't. I'm a skinny little bitch on the inside, and this big fat oaf on the outside is smothering me!

I have a headache, a neckache, and sinusitis. My car is filthy, my room is filthy, my turtle is filthy, and God only knows what my digestive tract looks like.

But other than that, life is one big deep bowl of perfectly ripe cherries, pitted and stemless. Tralalala!

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