Wednesday, January 8, 2003

S'more Pix!

So I was sitting here in my office yesterday afternoon, minding my own business... when suddenly, out of nowhere, this little voice says in my ear "I really need a digital camera. RIGHT NOW!" And much to my surprise, I found myself obeying the little voice! I got in the car and drove to Best Buy, where I purchased a lovely little Sony Cyber-Shot 2.0 megapixel camera. I also purchased an adorable little three-inch-tall tabletop tripod to go with it, because it was so cute! And a Tomb Raider Gold Two-Pack for PC, because it was really cheap and I want more PC games.

Can I afford it? No. I need to have Miss Marjorie worked on, plus I have to get her smogged and registered and pay that old parking ticket I keep forgetting about, and I have to save up for the next round of dentistry. But the little voice would not be denied, there was more than enough money in the old checking account, and so $250 or so (after tax) later, I am the proud owner of a digital camera.

So then I spent the rest of yesterday playing with it. It came with an 8mb "Memory Stick" (which is the digicam equivalent of an eight-frame roll of film), a pair of rechargeable AA batteries with recharger, a USB cord, a Video-Out cord, a CD with drivers and programs, and a lot of papers and booklets that I haven't really looked at yet (just like a man, except that I will eventually look in the instruction manual, but only after having exhausted every other possible avenue).

Most of the pictures came out horribly... first because I didn't understand that the flash doesn't work in "power-save" mode (the flash eats up batteries like you wouldn't believe, about twenty flashes completely drains a pair of AA batteries), and then because I didn't know about that orange laser-sensor that operates the auto-focus, and finally because I looked really awful yesterday with bed-head for days and a week-old beard. But eventually I got the camera figured out, and also took a shower and did my hair properly and shaved before I went to my usual Tuesday meeting, so I spent the rest of the night taking pictures of myself and my room and whatever else caught my eye. Out of about 56 pictures (having to unload the tiny Memory Stick with every eighth shot), twelve came out nicely. Here are a few of them (thumbnailed, even, so this page will load faster):

Here's my teddy-bear, Antinöus, wearing Collin & Clive and sitting on my new "timberwolf" blanket. There's something about a Dacron bear sitting on a fake-fur blanket and wearing a genuine fox stole that I find unbelievably funny.

Here I am sitting at my desk. In case you wondered, that bright yellow object on the shelf beside me is a stud-finder. It doesn't work the way I wish it did (it only finds structural obstructions behind the walls... to find real studs, I have to use the internet).

I think I look very Chairman-of-the-Board in this picture, like I'm about to start firing people and then put out a cigarette in my stuffed tomato salad. That background is one of a pair of "blind-embroidery" wall-hangings in my living room. It's supposedly called blind-embroidery because people used to go blind from making them, the stitches are so tiny and the hangings so large. The manufacture of blind-embroidery was illegalized in China for many years because of this; these hangings would be worth a fortune if they weren't so thrashed... embroidered silk shouldn't be exposed to light, open air, or children for over seventy years together. It ruins the fabric.

Here's my room. It's a bit... untidy at the moment. It so bad now that I can barely stand to be in it (and can just barely move from one spot to the next). I think I know what I'm going to be doing this weekend.

And here's the top shelf of my étagère, containing some forgotten paperbacks and some of my more treasured objets d'art (which are in desperate need of a good dusting... I show these things to you in hopes of shaming myself into cleaning them). The picture in the ivory frame is of me "buttfucking" a stripper at the Bench & Bar, circa 1989. That was a fun night! I don't know where those screws came from or what they belong to, but I have a feeling it's important.

Finally, here's one of my earlier shots when I was trying to figure out all the various mechanisms... I quite surprised myself when the flash went off just as I pushed the button, as I'd forgotten to push the timer button first. It's such a natural moment (I pretty much exist in a constant state of mild surprise)... and it also shows quite clearly that my eyes are not brown, as so many people seem to think. They're gray. As is a large portion of my beard, and about 25% of my hair. Someday I will be all gray... and then I will always dress in gray lace and gray chiffon and gray pearls, and I'll be The Gray Lady.

So anyway, that's what I've been doing lately. Now that I am learning how this silly thing works, I can show you stuff when I talk about it. Of course, until I get around to buying more and larger Memory Sticks and extra replacement rechargeable batteries, the pix will be few and far between. And no matter how amusing or well-shot, they will never (I think) equal the beauty of these professionally-shot and beautifully-modeled "fashion" snaps (I don't know what unclothed men have to do with fashion, but this is a Versace ad):

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