MOOD
I'm now up to the full 75mg dose on the Seroquel, and the mood continues good... for the most part. I have been experiencing a great deal of lethargy ever since I passed the 50mg mark last week; but I think I am adjusting to it, if a bit slowly, and the lethargy was just a reaction that is passing off...I haven't felt the lethargy the last three days. I didn't miss a dose of my Wellbutrin this week, either, though I almost forgot my Saturday dose and didn't take it until mid-afternoon.
On Saturday I was at the Royal Grand Ducal Council Coronation, and I didn't get all fidgetty and anxious being around people as I frequently have in the recent past. I was bored, and disconnected, but not anxious about it. But on Sunday, I was incredibly sad all morning, almost suicidally depressed.
I have a feeling, though, that it was caused by my being bored and disconnected at the Coronation... I was so looking forward to it, and had spent a shitload of money — $240 for the gown, $135 for the wig, $140 for the gloves (you can't get real kidskin 25-inch opera gloves in my size over the counter), and $80 for the shoes... I already had my jewelry, in fact the whole outfit was planned around the necklace Caroline gave me for my Sobriety Birthday in May — and was very excited about how I'd look; but the event itself was a let-down, so it was natural I'd be sadly disappointed.
Even though I saw in the mirrors that I looked as great as I thought I would, despite careful planning I left my camera at home and couldn't take any pictures of how I looked; and then the Coronation was so unexciting, and I was feeling lonely because I'd arrived alone and didn't have anyone to hang out with, and I ended up talking to a number of rather unpleasant people during the course of the evening, politeness riveting me to their unpleasant conversations when I'd rather have fled.
And while a lot of people complimented me on the wig (which was utterly towering), nobody said anything about the dress or the gloves or the necklace... though I don't like to make myself a slave to other people's opinions, a few compliments on something you planned very carefully and spent a lot of money on makes you feel a lot better about the time and money spent on what is really a meaningless frivolity.
So I think Sunday was just a reaction, an overmagnified reaction perhaps, but not my brain-chemistry making up emotions I didn't really feel (as it used to do). Anyway, I felt better by that afternoon, so it turned out OK. And I did get my picture taken, by a professional even, I just haven't got copies yet; but to tide us over, you can see me in this wide shot — looking like a behemoth next to the petite (though technically average height for a barefoot man) Grand Duchess XVI Satine Fabrique — taken by Rich Stadtmiller during the crowning ceremony:
That's our new Royal Grand Duke XIX Jim Hall and Royal Grand Duchess XIX Lady Cranberry receiving the bling lids. Congratulations to them! I hope that my new medication will make it possible for me to take part in this XIXth Reign, as I was unable to do in the XVIIIth Reign. I miss feeling a part of something, and I think it was this being almost completely uninvolved all year (I only attended SF Imperial and Ducal Coronations with the Court, I didn't come to a single RGDC event of this reign except Investitures) that created my feeling of boredom and disconnection Saturday night.
FITNESS & WEIGHT
I am conflating the two because there's nothing to report. I didn't go to the gym at all last week, I was too busy at work and didn't get out of the office before 6 any evening; I was prepping myself for a week's vacation by getting as caught-up on my work as I possibly could, and a little bit ahead wherever possible (that's the terrible trap of a week's vacation: you still have to do a week's worth of work, but before and after, rather than during, that week). The lethargy I mentioned earlier also contributed to this gym-delinquency, even when I had time to go, I felt so heavy I didn't think I could hoist myself onto a treadmill. But my weight did not change, it was still 224 on Saturday morning... okay, it was 224 point five, but a half a pound isn't enough to call it backsliding.
So until next week, à bientôt!
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